Why bother to practice to perfect your craft?

Someone wrote in:

Dear Kuya Ron, 

They say practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect. So why practice? 

PD

My reply:

Dear PD,  

I like your e-mail. Short and sweet. Thanks. I have a likewise short, but not-so-sweet answer: Because those first two sentences are meant to be said said in two different contexts and so you shouldn't piece them together. 

Keep practicing and keep asking questions. "Nobody's perfect" means you can be perfect in some things but not in others. Keep practicing. And keep asking questions.

Kuya Ron

How can I help myself pray more?

A very good and very tough question.

And the answer is very simple.

You just do it.

Because it's either you want to do it or you don't.  Some people are looking for excuses to find time for prayer, something that could happen or something that other people will do to them or a new book that they might read that could lead them to daily prayer.  The truth is, those people have all the excuses in the world why they don't.  I know some people who, maybe by God's plan, turned to prayer only after they were stricken by terminal illnesses.  I guess that is something you/we wanna avoid.

Well, I will tell you this but I'm sure for most of you/us, it won't help: we already have all the excuses in the world to pray more!

Just look around you.  Is everything alright?  Just look around you, the people immediately around you.  Is everything fine?  Everyone getting along well?

Anyways, look at it this way.  Imagine a guy wanting to court a girl.  What does he do?  He doesn't just sends flowers or chocolates, or whatever gifts, or show off his hard-earned brand new car to give the impression that he can become a good provider in the future.  In spite of his very busy schedule, he has to make an effort to send her text messages, call her up everyday, e-mail her, and so on, on a daily basis.  Lest the girl think he's not serious.  Bottomline is, he has to communicate with her.  He has to show her that he is someone she can be comfortable with for the rest of her life.  That he is someone who she can talk to.  They need to know each other very well enough before they can live happily ever after.  He does all this to find favor with the girl.  To be with the girl.

Do you want to be with God?

What is more important, faith in Jesus or Love?

First I wonder what the asker means by "Love."  I assume he/she meant "romantic love," which I would like to differentiate from the higher and more encompassing form of love, which I will call "True Love."  "True Love" is what Jesus has taught us to do - to love God with all our hearts, and all our minds, and all our strength, and all our souls, and to love one another as he has loved us.  I also like this definition from the 1st Letter of Paul to the Corinthians, Chapter 13, Verses 4 to 7:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

My simple and short answer to the question is: Faith in Jesus means to Love!  But if the asker is talking about romantice love, faith in Jesus obviously is more important.

If your romantic love is asking you to choose between him/her and Jesus, it is a sign to not continue with that relationship!  Because in every relationship, Jesus should be at the center, and not an optional or temporary component that your "(romantic) love" can replace when he/she comes along!  It is actually quite sad to hear some stories of men or women giving up Jesus (i.e. in the form of stopping their service/mission for Him, like singing in the Church choir, etc., or by giving up their daily prayer routine, etc.) for what they think is their "true love."

Anyway, this is where Faith comes in - can you have faith in God that he is still preparing someone much better than your current romantic love?  Or will you settle for the current one?  In the end, it might actually be the same person, only a better person.  Or it could be a person you haven't yet met.  Or it could be someone you have already met but you don't know yet that it's him/her.  It could be anyone!  And he/she will certainly be a gift from God.  But God would not give you a gift that will let you choose to abandon Him.

It might be difficult to imagine right now how anyone could be better than the current, and this is where True Faith comes in, the kind of Faith in God believing that He has the best plan for us, and that we don't have to stray away from Him.

True Love waits.  Personally I know this for a fact.  If you want to know my story, drop a comment.

Anyway, the decision is yours to make.  What do you think God would like you to choose?  I pray that your choice is the same as what God would choose if He were in your shoes.  Give it some time, think about it, pray for His guidance.  Next thing you know (took me years - but it's all worth it), you have a great story to share with others who are undergoing the same "dilemma."

God bless!

Why did Jesus speak in parables?

The simple and short answer to this is: to make it easier to communicate his message (i.e. to make it easier for us, his "audience," to understand his teachings).

From Matthew 13:13: "Therefore I speak to them in parables; because while seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand."

Essentially Jesus spoke in parables so that his teachings are easier to understand.  Sometimes, we have been ingrained with certain habits and beliefs that while we are able to "hear" of "new" teachings, we do not really "listen" or "understand" fully those new teachings.

One example I can give you is imagine you have a friend who participated in a certain sports competition and lost.  You come up to him and then, what do you say?

Do you tell him, "You lost because you are not good enough.  The other person is better and deserving to win!"?

Of course you do not tell him that, fact or not!  It is very judgmental!

Instead as a loving friend, you might tell him, "That's alright, friend.  Let's practice some more and maybe we can win next time!  I'll help you out next time.  Maybe we can do more of this certain exercise so that you can better your chances of winning!"  Or you might tell him, "Good effort! But I'm sorry about the loss. Don't worry, I'm still your friend."  Or something like that.  Or, you might crack a joke, to cheer your friend up.

The thing is, your friend is at such an emotional state that he cannot be able to accept you telling him that he's "not good enough" directly.  So the best thing to do is to say something to cheer him up (or not tell him anything at all, just be there and comfort him).  Say something that indirectly communicates what you want to tell him, but at the same time it is a loving way to say it...

This is how Jesus spoke to many during that time because all that he was speaking of were "new" to them.  They were used to taking a rest (even from doing good deeds) on the Sabbath.  They were used to stoning adulterors to death.  They were used to disowning prodigal sons who have returned.  They were used to not loving their enemies.

But Jesus preached about turning back to God, and about love, and if he spoke in an unloving way, e.g. if he just told people "Repent for the end is near!", who are to believe him?

In this same way, I admire Bo Sanchez because he gives teachings that are very much relevant to his audience.  He knows that we - the Philippines - are not economically well, and that many of us would want out of our current financial situations.  So he teaches about how to make money - and adds that money is not evil, but it is a tool we can use to bless others.  He encourages us to level up and become rich, so that we have more to share with others who are less fortunate than us!

In the same way, when you are a Christian and you are in a non-Christian city or country, you do not openly preach about Jesus and Christianity and so on.  When you are a religious and prayerful Christian and you are around not-so-prayerful Christians, you do not just force them into praying, or talk about your prayer life!  That is not the loving way - that is not how Jesus would do it!  Instead you would first do acts of kindness and generosity out of love - as Jesus has taught us... thru parables!

What wind zone is my province in?

From http://ronjie-engg.blogspot.com/2009/04/engineering-misconceptions-part-2.html#comments:

daicee said: "Good day sir! I'm a civil eng'g student. I just want to ask about the list of provinces in each wind zone here in the Philippines. Can you help me where to find it? Thank you."

My reply:
You are a CE student from where? You can find the Philippine wind zone map in NSCP 2001. Then just buy a regular map of the Philippines to see which provinces (or portions thereof) are in which zone by comparison with the Philippine wind zone map. The new NSCP may have the provincial political borders shown for easier use.

We're a religious country and yet natural disasters still occur here? Can't PAGASA predict weather accurately?

a friend asks
"WTF? We're ranked 3rd (most religious country in the world) and we still got hit this hard (referring to Typhoon Ondoy of 2009)? Please someone explain this to me like I'm a 3 year old. http://www.diaryofatraveler.com/review/info/top-10-most-religious-countries-in-the-world/"

ronjie's reply:
here's what i would tell a 3-year old: "when you GROW UP, you'll understand." ehehe (peace to my friend who asked this.)

two things: first, our country is in a highly typhoon-prone area therefore typhoons and flooding should be expected here (duh). this is PHYSICS. this is NATURE.

BUT we built our cities in these flood-prone areas. not GOD. "successful people take responsibility. unsuccessful people always have someone to blame." some people blame PAGASA (the local weather bureau). some people tend to blame God.

second: this event just goes to remind us who is God and what kind of power he has. if we think we can be God and control what God actually wills to happen by what we "ask for" in our prayers, guess again.

that blog post says only 68% here are church-goers. i can tell you that of those 68%, only a very few actually understand their religion well enough to not question it or even other religions. of those few who actually understand, only a handful are willing to teach and to become really religious and become priests or nuns. we actually need more religious people and more priests and nuns. i hate people who can't lead but criticize leaders. i don't like to criticize the (real) religious people (like priests and nuns) because i can't be one. so be one first, then let's see what you have to say.

one more point: by the way, kawawa naman ang PAGASA actually. (poor PAGASA.) people think they're God. then of course PAGASA falls short of the people's expectations so the people are always angry at PAGASA.  NO ONE CAN PREDICT WEATHER!

Why does God sound condemning in Matthew 7:21-23

version2.0!

A brother asked:
"Kuya, what do you think of Matthew 7:21-23? It says:

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?' Then I will declare to them solemnly, 'I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.'"

Does this mean if we do wrong, we go to hell right away? I wish it was so easy to be good in the eyes of God! Why does God sound like a condemning God in these verses?"

My reply:
This is what I think...
1. During our time here on earth, God is a very forgiving God. And though we stray many times, he forgives us in as many times. But when our judgment day comes - like a thief in the night - that's it. If you are a good fruit and you have borne good fruit, God welcomes you to heaven. Otherwise, the gates remain closed.

And God cannot forever remain forgiving - or evil will only thrive!

We should look at his forgiveness as a blessing, as a gift from God. God forgives us because he loves us. He wants to give us second, third, fourth, etc. chances. He knows very well that following his will is difficult. We should not expect forgiveness from him nor should we demand it from him. It is his choice to forgive, and more often than not he will choose to forgive us. And he will do so also as an example on how much we should forgive others.

If judgment day comes and we still expect God to forgive us - we are mistaken! Again, by then, how many chances he must have already forgiven us?

2. We should also look at the context of the verse. In some Bibles, like the one I have, it is as if it is a different topic from the paragraph before it, which appears to be a different topic from that before it, and so on. But it may be that it is a continuation of that previous paragraph, the one about false prophets.

He may be talking about 'false prophets.' People who may be doing his work in his name, but at the very core of their being, are evildoers. In front of many (of us), they may personify a totally different person from that the Father sees. Saying "I love you, God," singing his praises, praying the Rosary, prophesying, doing miracles, and everything else "for God's glory," is all good. But that is not enough to get into heaven without a focus on Christ, a foundation of faith in him and love for him and others.

Matthew 7:15-20 suggests if we look closely enough at the fruit, we will see what type of tree they come from. Good fruit comes from good trees. Bad fruits come from rotten trees. It cannot happen the other way around. Do some of the "prophets" around us love others and are good Christian examples? How does their flock turn out? Or are they just merely worship leaders who say and do so many things but, really, who are they at the core of their beings?

Anyway, if we know of any such people, let us just pray for them and let us try to avoid the one thing that only God can do: judging.

God bless you, brother.

Welcome

Mission

I only hope to be able to help people with love, life, and their finances.  From what I know from the books I've read or teachings I've listened to, and from the things I've learned, experienced, or observed, I will answer questions that any of you may have and wish to get your Kuya's opinion on.  Actually you can ask me anything and everything under the sun.  "What's a good place to visit in Coron?"  (Because I've been there and I know some places.)  Try asking even silly questions (e.g. "What is Love?") - let's see if I have an answer for them. :-)

Language
This blog will be mostly in English but some Filipino words might be used here and there but I will try to translate to English as much as I can.

Disclaimer
I do not pretend to know everything!  Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, or to contribute to the discussions!

2 Answers to 2 Questions: Are some groups of people really manipulative? How do we deal with them?

========= original e-mail slightly edited =========
bro,

do you by any chance know if there's an opening for elementary teachers or lifestyle writers? please let me know..

it's just that i feel so bad. i've requested a two week vacation leave from my office. they said yes but they are holding my salary. i don't think they'll take me back after two weeks. sorry to say this, but koreans s**k! (sorry for the language). they are very manipulative and they break, always break their promises..

anyway, il keep on searching..thanks! so if you want to work for koreans, DON"T even think about it.

take care!

sis

========= Kuya Ronjie's reply =========

sis,

the koreans i've met (outside of the country) are all very nice. this is just opinion but i think many koreans, japanese, chinese, americans, british, etc. people who set up their businesses here are generally like how you have described them. their being far away from their hometowns and having to work, work, work and meet the expectations of their superiors and peers back at home (i.e. they need to "prove" and/or "provide") puts a lot of pressure on them (and perhaps meanwhile they do not need to meet any kind of expectations to us here) and sometimes what happens is they "share" the pressure with the pinoys who work for them here. but i think this happens more here in our country (try working abroad in their country and i believe it is not like that at all). i think this happens because most filipinos allow it. it happens i think because we all need jobs and there are more filipinos than jobs so the competition for jobs is quite fierce. so, many resort to "accepting" these "unacceptable" practices by foreign employers. some people, just to keep their jobs, would accept very low salaries which in turn creates a ripple effect in the employment market. "accept this low salary under these very harsh conditions or don't get a job at all" is what is happening.

actually it's not just these foreigners who resort to such "unacceptable" practices. because pinoy employees "accept" these practices here, even some pinoy employers do the same things also.

to some of them, foreign or pinoy employers alike, they "cannot afford" employees taking a vacation leave; i.e. employees who are to them give high production output compared to their salaries. if they will hire a new person to replace you, those new employees would be paid less but their production output would not yet be so high as that you were providing. or, maybe their business will just come to a halt if you do go on a holiday - but they can't afford to pay you or treat you better even if you really deserved it, just so you won't want to go on a holiday.

i think the right thing for pinoys to do is to stop working for these employers who practice such "unacceptable" practices. i think God does not want us to be miserable in our jobs. if we were in miserable jobs, it is because it is our choice to stay there.

likewise, God does not want employers to do such "unacceptable" employment practices. but we can't do anything about others - what we can just do is when we are in that position, when we are the boss or the employer, we should remember what is good and what is not good, and do only what is good. that is actually even more difficult, without prayer and faith and friends (i.e. a community) who shares the same faith and prays for you.

a friend of a friend became a city youth leader and so he automatically became a councilor of the city. he told himself he will not give in to the corrupt practices that many in the generation before us is considering as if it is normal and acceptable practice. after a year he told my friend that he can't do anything but give in and join the bandwagon of corruption.

i think in that situation, as well as in our situations, the key is faith. in this sense, this also means knowing what is good and what is not, and sticking to doing only the good.

although you may have just tried to resign instead, congratulations to you as you have taken the choice of not tolerating such "unacceptable" employment practices by choosing not to work for that company. it's not because they are koreans or whoever. for example, i've heard of some other non-filipinos (and non-koreans) who employ people for just P50 a day at a time when the minimum wage was P250 a day. why do these employers do that? because the employees accept that wage! it is everywhere, and not just with certain korean employers, and so on.

again, know what is good and what is not good in the eyes of God (i.e. what does God want for you?), and then make your choice. hopefully, you and every other filipino make the right choice. we'll include that in our prayers. :-)

Remember:
1. Are some groups of people really manipulative? No. But some people are, therefore...
2. How do we deal with manipulative people? Make your choice. The right choice is to not accept the unacceptable.

God bless us all!

Letter to a Depressed Friend: 4 Steps

Working so hard, giving 100% of your time and effort, sacrificing personal life but not getting appreciated to the point of feeling inexistent? Been there, done that! Getting a lot of backstabbing from the people you least expect to do that? Oh I've been there, and I've done that! From, even during my fragile, less-mature days while in high school and during college... to just last year, when things went one way when I was almost absolutely sure it would go another way.

Hey! Being depressed, or feeling "down na down", and very disappointed is not good for your health!

I've been there before... I myself have even considered suicide. Thank God, but somehow, I was brought up to have just a little more faith in my system that was enough to bring me here to where I am right now. But I am not yet complete when it comes to faith. There are still these things about me, things I do or think, that show that I myself have a lot to improve on. But, over the course of time, I have learned one important lesson.

To have more trust and faith in the LORD. After all, after a time of trials comes a time for joy.

To do that, we'll have to be ready for change! We've heard of the answer before: we can't change others, only ourselves.

We could change our attitude towards things and others, and that goes first. It doesn't seem easy, and it takes a lot of mental strength. [(Filipino) women are somehow better than most (Filipino) men!] So, while for you, it might be hard, for me and a lot of other people, men and even women alike, it will be much harder! It's not impossible... :-)

Also, it's always healthy to think and act positively! And it's always a good medicine for depression. It requires quite a lot of change in our systems. It's not easy! So we'll also need friends or our immediate community, who know and share the same goals, ideals, and principles as us, to support us and/or guide us!

And prayers---they are always good! You might be one of millions who offered your prayers and your big and simple sacrifices to Him through the feast of the Black Nazarene, held at Quiapo early this year. That's great! It's one step in the right direction! We can also talk to Him in the comfort of our own home, and in the comfort of our own time, like during lunch break, perhaps, or during our trip to the restroom...

So what if you are, like someone I know, "trapped" inside a job or place or environment from which you just can't grow, because there's no more space to grow (like you don't have time for other "healthier" things, and people around you most of the time are your greatest critics)? Get out of that trap! The universe is huge, there are many more places to go!

Yes, by now, you could probably predict what I'm about to say: I've been there, done that. How did I do it? Well, in simple terms, I thought that... If I'm in a situation that's really bad and yet somehow I needed to be there, could it become worse if I did something else? If I choose Option B instead of sticking to Option A, may be I wouldn't get the same things that I used to get out of Option A, but may be I would feel better and more productive if I choose Option B! I would have to change my attitude though, towards those things I needed that Option A provided. Maybe I didn't really need them at all. I mean, if my apartment rental costs me half my whole months' salary, maybe I didn't need to stay in that apartment!

What if Option B proves to be worse? There's still Option C! What if I've come to Option Z, and it still isn't what I wanted? Uh-oh, wait a minute, I know where things could have gone wrong... It's with my attitude. Why would I want to buy a fancy car, if I would have to be extremely patient with my extremely impatient boss everyday of my life, and cause myself unneeded stress which eventually makes me go on weekly drinking sprees with my "barkada" and smoke half-a-pack a day, and which would eventually kill me at a young age, and probably leave my future wife and kids behind with... well, not much; or probably, people will just say about me, "kawawa naman" ("Such a pity.")?

I could also... change my attitude towards my boss! Well, I could choose to accept the fact that my boss is like that. Maybe instead of being affected by his impatience, I could just be an example to him. I'll smile all the time while working! And maybe if he asks me to do overtime this weekend, I do have the option to tell him that I can't! Because it's not mandatory to do overtime! If he kicks me out because I refused to do weekend overtime, let it be!

Well, the things is, we have a lot of options! We always have a choice! Well, we can't control the consequences of that choice, but again, we can choose our attitude towards those consequences!

One time, when I was really feeling "challenged" in life, I went to the Blessed Sacrament at the UP Chapel to pray and to ask for comfort from God. And then this picture came into my mind: imagine Jesus having to accept that he was going to suffer and be killed, understanding that it was God's will. Though he suffered much, having to accept his purpose (the story of The Agony in the Garden), what did he turn out to be? Oh, he just rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father! But he's just quite the perfect example, isn't he? :-)

So... Basically, we could either choose to accept where we are, make the most out of it, and act enthusiastic and think positive all the time, or take the alternate highway with less humps and potholes. If things will go wrong, they will. But after all has been said and done, let us trust and have faith that God has a purpose for all this, and it is universally a good one.

In summary:
1. Know that others have been there and done that; they've overcome the sorrows and now experience immense joy because...
2. ...First and foremost, they were open to change.  You should be, too.  Because if change cannot happen, how can sorrow turn to joy?  (By the way, there is really no such thing as luck.)
3. Read and/or learn - there are always better ways or better options.
4. Then make the better choice.

Letter to a Suicidal Friend: 3 Points

this is a letter to a friend who is half-paralysed and feeling like giving up altogether on life.

dear friend,

you have created quite a good picture of your situation, and i emphatize with you. though you may have heard this a million times already, please do not give up on life while there is still life. please hear me out.

well let me tell you this. i envy you because of the love that your mother is giving you. and i'm sure many others also. and i'm sure many others also envy you because of so many other things, like finishing a degree.

in the end, it is your choice, it is your will. i, your mom, or anyone cannot do anything about it.

but you can type! you can write! you just wrote a good story! you can write an inspiring story! and that's only one of many things you could do. you could still make a purpose out of your life. you are still alive.

and yet, though you may be dying. there are other people who are dying. there are people who were born dying, and born hungry, and born sick. you were not.

friend (i wish i knew your name), you are still alive. you died, and lived again. and at least twice. you have been given another opportunity. something awaits you. you still have a purpose, you will just have to figure that out (and perhaps maybe other people could help out). every moment that we live is an opportunity. be thankful for each moment that you have life.

but yes, it is not easy. but as long as you're not yet dead, there is still that possibility. don't you really think so?

you can still dream, right? then dream. and keep praying for those dreams. of course, there are irreversible things like age and time... and there are things that we really are not meant for. (like i wish i could meet jennifer lopez and kiss her!)

perhaps if you may only start to dream. everything could come from there.

well, that's all i could say for now. please tell your mother that what she's doing for you is the epitome of love, and that i really admire her for that.

in summary:
1. you are blessed.  be thankful for the people who do not want to give up on you, even if you want to already.
2. share your story to the world (starting with those closest to you) and perhaps your story can help others.
3. start to dream, and pray for those dreams.

God bless you, friend.