2 Answers to 2 Questions: Are some groups of people really manipulative? How do we deal with them?

========= original e-mail slightly edited =========
bro,

do you by any chance know if there's an opening for elementary teachers or lifestyle writers? please let me know..

it's just that i feel so bad. i've requested a two week vacation leave from my office. they said yes but they are holding my salary. i don't think they'll take me back after two weeks. sorry to say this, but koreans s**k! (sorry for the language). they are very manipulative and they break, always break their promises..

anyway, il keep on searching..thanks! so if you want to work for koreans, DON"T even think about it.

take care!

sis

========= Kuya Ronjie's reply =========

sis,

the koreans i've met (outside of the country) are all very nice. this is just opinion but i think many koreans, japanese, chinese, americans, british, etc. people who set up their businesses here are generally like how you have described them. their being far away from their hometowns and having to work, work, work and meet the expectations of their superiors and peers back at home (i.e. they need to "prove" and/or "provide") puts a lot of pressure on them (and perhaps meanwhile they do not need to meet any kind of expectations to us here) and sometimes what happens is they "share" the pressure with the pinoys who work for them here. but i think this happens more here in our country (try working abroad in their country and i believe it is not like that at all). i think this happens because most filipinos allow it. it happens i think because we all need jobs and there are more filipinos than jobs so the competition for jobs is quite fierce. so, many resort to "accepting" these "unacceptable" practices by foreign employers. some people, just to keep their jobs, would accept very low salaries which in turn creates a ripple effect in the employment market. "accept this low salary under these very harsh conditions or don't get a job at all" is what is happening.

actually it's not just these foreigners who resort to such "unacceptable" practices. because pinoy employees "accept" these practices here, even some pinoy employers do the same things also.

to some of them, foreign or pinoy employers alike, they "cannot afford" employees taking a vacation leave; i.e. employees who are to them give high production output compared to their salaries. if they will hire a new person to replace you, those new employees would be paid less but their production output would not yet be so high as that you were providing. or, maybe their business will just come to a halt if you do go on a holiday - but they can't afford to pay you or treat you better even if you really deserved it, just so you won't want to go on a holiday.

i think the right thing for pinoys to do is to stop working for these employers who practice such "unacceptable" practices. i think God does not want us to be miserable in our jobs. if we were in miserable jobs, it is because it is our choice to stay there.

likewise, God does not want employers to do such "unacceptable" employment practices. but we can't do anything about others - what we can just do is when we are in that position, when we are the boss or the employer, we should remember what is good and what is not good, and do only what is good. that is actually even more difficult, without prayer and faith and friends (i.e. a community) who shares the same faith and prays for you.

a friend of a friend became a city youth leader and so he automatically became a councilor of the city. he told himself he will not give in to the corrupt practices that many in the generation before us is considering as if it is normal and acceptable practice. after a year he told my friend that he can't do anything but give in and join the bandwagon of corruption.

i think in that situation, as well as in our situations, the key is faith. in this sense, this also means knowing what is good and what is not, and sticking to doing only the good.

although you may have just tried to resign instead, congratulations to you as you have taken the choice of not tolerating such "unacceptable" employment practices by choosing not to work for that company. it's not because they are koreans or whoever. for example, i've heard of some other non-filipinos (and non-koreans) who employ people for just P50 a day at a time when the minimum wage was P250 a day. why do these employers do that? because the employees accept that wage! it is everywhere, and not just with certain korean employers, and so on.

again, know what is good and what is not good in the eyes of God (i.e. what does God want for you?), and then make your choice. hopefully, you and every other filipino make the right choice. we'll include that in our prayers. :-)

Remember:
1. Are some groups of people really manipulative? No. But some people are, therefore...
2. How do we deal with manipulative people? Make your choice. The right choice is to not accept the unacceptable.

God bless us all!

Letter to a Depressed Friend: 4 Steps

Working so hard, giving 100% of your time and effort, sacrificing personal life but not getting appreciated to the point of feeling inexistent? Been there, done that! Getting a lot of backstabbing from the people you least expect to do that? Oh I've been there, and I've done that! From, even during my fragile, less-mature days while in high school and during college... to just last year, when things went one way when I was almost absolutely sure it would go another way.

Hey! Being depressed, or feeling "down na down", and very disappointed is not good for your health!

I've been there before... I myself have even considered suicide. Thank God, but somehow, I was brought up to have just a little more faith in my system that was enough to bring me here to where I am right now. But I am not yet complete when it comes to faith. There are still these things about me, things I do or think, that show that I myself have a lot to improve on. But, over the course of time, I have learned one important lesson.

To have more trust and faith in the LORD. After all, after a time of trials comes a time for joy.

To do that, we'll have to be ready for change! We've heard of the answer before: we can't change others, only ourselves.

We could change our attitude towards things and others, and that goes first. It doesn't seem easy, and it takes a lot of mental strength. [(Filipino) women are somehow better than most (Filipino) men!] So, while for you, it might be hard, for me and a lot of other people, men and even women alike, it will be much harder! It's not impossible... :-)

Also, it's always healthy to think and act positively! And it's always a good medicine for depression. It requires quite a lot of change in our systems. It's not easy! So we'll also need friends or our immediate community, who know and share the same goals, ideals, and principles as us, to support us and/or guide us!

And prayers---they are always good! You might be one of millions who offered your prayers and your big and simple sacrifices to Him through the feast of the Black Nazarene, held at Quiapo early this year. That's great! It's one step in the right direction! We can also talk to Him in the comfort of our own home, and in the comfort of our own time, like during lunch break, perhaps, or during our trip to the restroom...

So what if you are, like someone I know, "trapped" inside a job or place or environment from which you just can't grow, because there's no more space to grow (like you don't have time for other "healthier" things, and people around you most of the time are your greatest critics)? Get out of that trap! The universe is huge, there are many more places to go!

Yes, by now, you could probably predict what I'm about to say: I've been there, done that. How did I do it? Well, in simple terms, I thought that... If I'm in a situation that's really bad and yet somehow I needed to be there, could it become worse if I did something else? If I choose Option B instead of sticking to Option A, may be I wouldn't get the same things that I used to get out of Option A, but may be I would feel better and more productive if I choose Option B! I would have to change my attitude though, towards those things I needed that Option A provided. Maybe I didn't really need them at all. I mean, if my apartment rental costs me half my whole months' salary, maybe I didn't need to stay in that apartment!

What if Option B proves to be worse? There's still Option C! What if I've come to Option Z, and it still isn't what I wanted? Uh-oh, wait a minute, I know where things could have gone wrong... It's with my attitude. Why would I want to buy a fancy car, if I would have to be extremely patient with my extremely impatient boss everyday of my life, and cause myself unneeded stress which eventually makes me go on weekly drinking sprees with my "barkada" and smoke half-a-pack a day, and which would eventually kill me at a young age, and probably leave my future wife and kids behind with... well, not much; or probably, people will just say about me, "kawawa naman" ("Such a pity.")?

I could also... change my attitude towards my boss! Well, I could choose to accept the fact that my boss is like that. Maybe instead of being affected by his impatience, I could just be an example to him. I'll smile all the time while working! And maybe if he asks me to do overtime this weekend, I do have the option to tell him that I can't! Because it's not mandatory to do overtime! If he kicks me out because I refused to do weekend overtime, let it be!

Well, the things is, we have a lot of options! We always have a choice! Well, we can't control the consequences of that choice, but again, we can choose our attitude towards those consequences!

One time, when I was really feeling "challenged" in life, I went to the Blessed Sacrament at the UP Chapel to pray and to ask for comfort from God. And then this picture came into my mind: imagine Jesus having to accept that he was going to suffer and be killed, understanding that it was God's will. Though he suffered much, having to accept his purpose (the story of The Agony in the Garden), what did he turn out to be? Oh, he just rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father! But he's just quite the perfect example, isn't he? :-)

So... Basically, we could either choose to accept where we are, make the most out of it, and act enthusiastic and think positive all the time, or take the alternate highway with less humps and potholes. If things will go wrong, they will. But after all has been said and done, let us trust and have faith that God has a purpose for all this, and it is universally a good one.

In summary:
1. Know that others have been there and done that; they've overcome the sorrows and now experience immense joy because...
2. ...First and foremost, they were open to change.  You should be, too.  Because if change cannot happen, how can sorrow turn to joy?  (By the way, there is really no such thing as luck.)
3. Read and/or learn - there are always better ways or better options.
4. Then make the better choice.